Little Miracles

By: Jessica M.

I am very blessed to say that I have always felt the presence of God in my life. I can remember being a little girl and looking out my window up at the stars and praying to God. I am writing this because I felt called by God to do it after considering the matter in prayer. You see, it took me many years to learn that praying is not so much about what I want from God, but listening for what He wants from me. My prayer life with God has always been a conversation, but as I have matured, I learned that my conversation used to be one-sided. I would talk about my wants, my needs, and my desires first (and generally that was all). As time has gone on, I am better about listening instead of talking; at least sometimes.

One of my earliest memories about God and me is when I was in grammar school. I could not have been more than 7 or 8. I had borrowed a necklace from one of the girls in my class and being the responsible child I was, I promptly lost it. I was worried for days. I finally decided to pray to Saint Anthony to help me find it and, on that day, I got off the bus and found it on the pavement in the gas station! It may not seem like a big miracle, but to me, it was like winning the lottery.

I am happy to report that my life is full of these “little miracles”. I am convinced that most people’s lives are as well if they would care to pay attention. I can’t resist giving another one of these fun examples of God’s care in my life. One of the first times I went to Purdue University to visit my then-boyfriend and my now husband, Scott, I was entrusted with his parents’ car. I parked it in a garage and went to the concert. When I came back to retrieve it, it was gone. I walked around the parking deck for about a half hour, nervous, confused, and upset with myself before I finally said, “Ok God, I have done it again, please get me out of this. I have lost the car; I don’t know how to get back to the others and I don’t know anyone else here.” Well, I was wrong, I did know one other person at this huge University.

I had met her a few months before I was there and I had even forgotten she went there. A few minutes after I said the prayer a car pulled up beside me. I had noticed the car had passed me one time before, so when it pulled next to me, I was not sure what was going to happen. Much to my surprise, the only other person I knew said, “Jessica, is that you?” She gave me a ride back to meet with Scott. Keep in mind, this is all before cell phones and I was from the East Coast, not the Midwest. I love God! By the way, the car was not stolen, I was in the wrong garage.

Don’t get me wrong, not all of my prayers have been answered the way I wanted them to be, but I have found that throughout my life, God has always been around to listen even in my trials. When I was a child, I was sexually abused by a distant family member. It took me a long time to tell my parents. They had no idea. Some might say, how is that possible? But I have to explain that generally speaking, I am a happy person. I have always had a blessed life and I knew it. It was easy for me to hide it in the back corner of my mind and try to pretend that part of my life did not exist.

Unfortunately, I would have nightmares often, and in my pre-teens, they came with a vengeance. Probably because of raging hormones, boy issues and other joys of that time in a woman’s life, the stress of hiding “my little secret” got to be too much so I did what I always did, I asked God to make it go away. But this time there was no easy rescue or magic wand to end it. I did, however, get the strength from God to tell my parents. I remember it like it was yesterday. I am glad to say that my parents immediately believed me and took measures to protect me from then on. I know many women who cannot say the same. That, for me, was the beginning of a healing process that has taken years. I found that I had to deal with a whole host of emotions including anger, resentment, and shame, but I am happy to say that I feel none of that now.

That leads me to my lesson on forgiveness. Naturally, I had feelings of hatred towards the person who abused me. He was the embodiment of evil to me. I could not wait for him to die. I admit this is not a very Christian attitude. I remember thinking, well, he deserves it, I hope he goes to Hell. As the years went by, I started to understand that this attitude did not go very well with my prayer life. How could I go to church and ask God to ignore all the things I had done wrong and still wish someone else to Hell?

So, I decided to forgive him. I was going to make it happen! I even planned on visiting him. I was on the right track, this was great, God was going to be proud, and I was so good!!! Unfortunately, going to see him only sent me backward with more anger and resentment. What I had to learn about forgiveness is that it is a grace from God. It comes in His time, not ours, but we must ask for it and hope for it. I must tell you that it took years of praying and asking others to pray, but forgiveness did finally come. As for the entire experience, I can’t say I am grateful for it, but I can’t say I would change it either. It has given me a compassion for and understanding of others that I know I would not otherwise have had.