The Beauty of Being an Insomniac AmazingNation,Anxiety,Hope,Suffering,YouMatter, HN Blog
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The Beauty of Being an Insomniac

The Beauty of Being an Insomniac

By:  Mission Team August 29, 2021
#AmazingNation, #Anxiety, #Hope, #Suffering, #YouMatter

Leg bouncing, fingers twitching, my lips being crushed and bitten underneath my freshly brushed teeth. Blood dripping out of my nose at a melodic pace, my eyes squinting at the reflection in the mirror.

Fortunately for me, sleepless nights had become a common occurrence for much of my high school life. At first I didn't understand. I couldn't fathom why it was so hard to fall asleep. Sure I had been plagued with vivid night terrors the last few months but at a certain point, every few nights at least, I had to sleep... Right? I mean I was “trying” to sleep this time so why couldn't I do it?

This was the second night in a row I hadn't slept. My cold toes continued to thrust my leg into a bounce up and down, my fingers twitched as I wondered with what to occupy myself.

Finally I pinched my nose stopping the bleeding that had started from a very vicious violent sneeze. I cranked out about 50 bicep curls, watched a youtube video, finished reading Othello, did all of my Pre- Calc homework, and still managed to have no desire to even close my eyes for a second. This would have been alright except getting all those things done only wasted about an hour and a half of my time so now at 3:00 A.M I was faced with a choice. I could either: Take a second dose of melatonin to try and face something that had become one of my greatest fears of late (sleep), or stay up for another 3 and a half hours while I wait for my alarm to go off to get ready for school. The choice was easy… Staying up.

I had become accustomed to saying things like “I’ll sleep when I'm dead,” and “No I don't want melatonin, I'd rather not be dependent on it,” when a teacher or friend asked me why the bags under my eyes were so dark. I had started to become pessimistic. Why were these things happening to me? I would ask myself, “Why did my friend get in that fatal accident? Why was I unlucky enough to injure the same elbow twice, taking away 2 years worth of my beloved sport of wrestling? Why couldn't I ever seem to be well rested, no matter how much or little I slept?”.

My life changed when I started to embrace the fact I couldn’t sleep and began to journal during my sleepless nights. I made a rule that in my entries I had to write down all the positive things first, because If I wrote down my negative thoughts first I would become consumed by them. Interestingly enough the same would happen when I would journal about the positives first.

 I would get so carried away writing about all the positivity in my life that I began to focus on them. Eventually I became exhilarated just thinking about the idea of life; how beautiful everything was when looked at in the right perspective, even my struggles. At the end of the day, my sufferings helped mold me into a better person.

Night after night I discovered myself through journaling. But most importantly I found my most life changing thought. That our suffering is where our true power lies. For me, once I embraced the fact I couldn't sleep, I started using it for more than just getting my homework done. I actually began bettering myself as a human being. If it wasn’t for this I might never be where I am today. I try to practice the habit of thankfulness. Not just for good things, but for my pains and sufferings too. With the right mentality I believe anything (even suffering) can be used for a greater purpose.

Eventually as my life improved, so did my sleep. But the most beautiful thing this insomniac learned is to always make time for my own self refinement, and for the practice of the virtue of optimism throughout the day.


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About the Author Mission TeamThe mission team is made up of writers within the HN team who serve for a time with our ministry to Awaken the World to the Power of God's Love. Through their efforts, their vision of making a world where no one suffers alone is an encouragement to many hurting people of all ages. 


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