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I don’t need Jesus in My Life

I don’t need Jesus in My Life

By:  Mission Team June 23, 2022
#AmazingNation, #Encouragement, #Failure, #Faith, #Jesus

“I don’t need help. I can do it on my own. I don’t need you. I don’t need Jesus!”
Have you ever said these things before? Maybe you didn't say this verbally, but maybe your actions did.

I have struggled with letting people help me. I have said I can do it on my own for small things. While I may not have ever said it about the bigger things, my actions did. When I got busy and had too much going on, I should have been running for help. Sometimes I would go to people for help for different tasks in my life, but I never asked for help in my faith life. I even let my relationship with God suffer. While I still prayed, I didn’t put my whole heart into it. I didn’t take that time out of my day to spend with the One who made me. Unconsciously, I was saying that I could do it on my own, that I didn’t need help, but then my life started falling apart. I was alone. I didn’t know what to do or where to go. This went on for a while before I realized that there was a hole in my heart. I tried to fill this hole by seeking other people's approval, by trying to be perfect, and being liked. But in the end, nothing worked. Instead, the hole grew and at the end of the day, I just hated myself for everything that was falling apart and messing up my life. I started to realize that the hole in my heart had to be filled by God, but yet I still took no initiative to fill that hole. I was a mess.

I worked with a group for a summer where I had a structured prayer life. I started taking time for God in my life. On the days when things were the worst, I would run to the chapel and fall at the altar and cry out to God. I realized that at the part in my life when everything started crumbling was about the same time that I stopped taking that extra time to pray. Was there a connection? I’m not sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised.

I always struggled with letting people help me. I felt like it made me weak, stupid, incompetent, and inferior to them. I tried to do it all on my own and I refused help when it was offered. If I couldn’t do it on my own, I would start to compare myself to other people. I was always trying to prove myself, to show that I could do it, and that I was good enough.
This impacted my internal life too. I struggled to talk to people about what I was going through internally. I got to the point where I couldn’t bring myself to share with others about what I was struggling with. I didn’t even realize that this was affecting me. I was so closed off to the world, but on the inside, I was crying out for someone to see past the walls I had put up and see that I was struggling and needed help. For every time that I said that I was FINE, all I wanted was to talk to someone about what I was going through, yet I didn’t know how. I didn’t know how to communicate what I was feeling. I couldn’t be vulnerable. I couldn’t tear down my walls of pride.

But then grace came in...

In the past year, I have been given a structured prayer life, and it has been a great blessing for me.

I have also realized that I cannot make this earthly walk on my own. I need a community and I need people to talk to about what goes on in my life. I have been so blessed to have been given the opportunity to live in the community for the past year. It has been amazing getting to be with people who understand me and accept me for who I am.

So, let's go back to my first statements...

True or False: I don’t need help? False. I can do it on my own? False. I don’t need Jesus? FALSE.

I do need people. I have learned this by living in community and by the times when I was not with the community. I now know that I do need people! I CANNOT do it on my own. I have tried hundreds of times and have failed. I know that I cannot do this by my own power. I don't have all of the answers.

I cannot live without Him!! I spent a year building a relationship with Jesus, and it was so helpful for me. I have seen in the past couple of months that I cannot do this without Jesus, and I know that I need to surrender the control that I have been clinging to and just give it to Jesus! I need to cling to Him instead of control! I can’t fix my life, but JESUS can fix it. Even if things don’t get better. I know that Jesus will give me the grace I need and that I won’t be alone in doing it!


Photo Credits:
"'Grace of God...'" by Art4TheGlryOfGod by Sharon is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0
"Hey You!" by varun suresh is licensed under CC BY 2.0
"Mummy, it's too heavy :')" by O hai :3 is licensed under CC BY 2.0

About the Author Mission TeamThe mission team is made up of writers within the HN team who serve for a time with our ministry to Awaken the World to the Power of God's Love. Through their efforts, their vision of making a world where no one suffers alone is an encouragement to many hurting people of all ages. 


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