I Resign My Will; God I Give My Life to You AmazingNation,Anxiety,Faith,God,Winning, HN Blog
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I Resign My Will; God I Give My Life to You

I Resign My Will; God I Give My Life to You

By:  Mission Team May 23, 2021
#AmazingNation, #Anxiety, #Faith, #God, #Winning

“From logistics, and unnecessary details... Deliver us Oh Lord!”

Ever since I was a kid I struggled with anxiety. When I was in 3rd grade, I had to give a presentation on what I wanted to be when I grew up. So naturally, I put together a poster board presenting my complex knowledge of the Navy Seals. When I got in front of my 3rd-grade class, it started to happen. My vision started to blur, my face felt numb, my throat got dry. I stumbled over my words as I pointed to several different pictures on the board talking about the Seals. That was one of my first experiences with anxiety.

All my life anxiety is something I have struggled with and for a really long time, it had a grip around my life that felt tight enough to choke me. When I was 12 years old, I had my first anxiety attack sitting in the front seat of my Mom’s car. All I remember is asking her how much college costs a year. She told me that some colleges cost up to $50,000 if you don’t get any scholarships.

 I remember my chest tightening and then breaking down into tears wondering how I was going to pay for that. The next thing I knew, I blacked out.

These anxiety attacks continued through high school. When I started driving I would blackout or zone out and “wake up” with another car honking at me to move my car, or because I had drifted into their lane.

As time went on, I put more and more pressure on myself to perform in situations. I was the “yes man” as my Mom calls me. Every time something had to get done, I did it. I wouldn’t be caught dead asking someone else for help.

The times I had to rely on other people was the worst. Having to have faith that they would do what they say wasn’t an option. I would just take over whatever they were supposed to do.


 I was so desperate for other people’s approval and nervous around them that my heart would constantly be racing.

I remember nights where I would sit in my bed and just bounce my leg up and down panting, trying to deconstruct everything that happened during that day and planning out tomorrow.

I never slept, and the pressure of always having to perform began to get to me.


As I reflect back on those times, I realize I was a nervous wreck for one reason: I relied on myself for love, perfection, and victory in my life. I can’t put my finger on a time where God just snapped his fingers and healed me from my anxiety, but there was one time where I was sitting on the beach with a friend of mine. We had just finished praying the divine mercy chaplet and I looked out at the ocean. All of a sudden it hit me.

I saw the beauty of the sea. How the sky met the water. How it all seemed to just work together flawlessly. Surely the ocean is one of God’s most valued creations? He must love it so much right? Well, that’s when God spoke to me.

He said: “See the vastness of the ocean, its strength, and beauty. Surely it is high among my creations, yet still, I love the Son of Man more than this”. His prized possession was not the ocean, it was his Son, Jesus. Yet the Father sacrificed his favorite thing for me so that I might be able to more fully enjoy all His works.


By His blood, there would be victory. He gave His Son over to be crucified so that I might take delight in the ocean, the grass, and the mountains, in the trees and the snow. 

But above all these things he gave His Begotten, Beloved and Blessed Son so that I too may have victory and enjoy the fullness of life through the Son with God the Father. He handed His Son over to humanity that we might destroy Him and by his most loving sacrifice of a blameless lamb, we were given access to the same love that the Father has for His Son.

 This is the love story known as the Gospel. And it was the perfect gift from a perfect God to an imperfect person (me). His Love is perfect, so I wouldn’t have to be, no matter how hard I tried to control everything around me, and it would never be as perfect as the Love of God. By His death on the cross and by the witness of the Gospel, I was able to no longer be afraid of the things in this life that scared me most.

1 Sam 17:47 says: “All this multitude too shall learn that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves. For the battle belongs to the Lord, who shall deliver you into our hands”.

My battle with anxiety was His and I didn’t win it by controlling everything. I didn’t win it at all. It was the Lord God of Armies who won it. He fought for me and by His Love, for me, I was set free.

I’m so grateful for nature and the way God uses it to show me I am approved of by Him. I’m grateful that Jesus would die for me as imperfect as I am. And I’m so grateful for my anxiety because It has pushed me in so many different ways to be able to give myself over to the will of God.

Because of my anxiety, my trust in the Lord means so much more it almost forces me to rely on Him, because I know that I will never be able to succeed without Him. I can honestly say that I have resigned my will to God’s Will. No more worrying about logistics and details, just loving people and trusting in Him.

They won by the blood of the lamb and the word of their witness, they did not let love of life deter them from death. Revelation 12:11

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About the Author Mission TeamThe mission team is made up of writers within the HN team who serve for a time with our ministry to Awaken the World to the Power of God's Love. Through their efforts, their vision of making a world where no one suffers alone is an encouragement to many hurting people of all ages. 


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