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I HAVE to Win

I HAVE to Win

 
By:  Mission Team October 27, 2021
#AmazingNation, #Depression, #Faith, #God, #love, #Winning

"For her! I’ll do it for her! I don’t want her to have to go through this, not this!"

It was just a few weeks ago that I sat in the office of one of the Staff Members at Hard as Nails. I was sharing with her about my struggle with self-hatred. My self-hatred had been worse than normal during the past month and I had been so stuck in my head. We had just gotten back from tour as I told her how much I was struggling with myself. My perfectionism made me hate myself for every little mistake that I made. I have to do everything perfectly, I can’t disappoint anyone, otherwise, they’ll judge me, they’ll have a bad opinion of me. Or at least this is what I tell myself.

But after I shared a bit about my self-hatred, the Staff Member looked at me and said, “You need to win for your little sister.” I was taken back for a second. My sister? My sweet, innocent, little sister?

Yes! She told me to fight my self-hatred, perfectionism, and getting in my head for my sister. She asked me if I wanted my little sister to have to go through these things that I am going through: self-hatred, perfectionism, being in my head, etc. Of course I don’t want her to go through this! This is hard. I don’t want my sister to hate herself or question herself or be so self-focused that she misses being there for someone else.

So that’s why I need to win. I need to fight through these challenges, not for myself, but for my sister.

I never want my sister to have to go through all of the stuff I have gone through. But, if she should have to go through this, I want to be able to be there for her. Not because I can fix all of her problems, but because I can walk with her if she should struggle with herself.

If I can see the truth in my struggles and fight through them, then I can speak truth to my sister if she goes through this, too. But I’m praying that my little sister will never have to go through this!

I am so grateful that this Staff Member told me to fight for my sister. I know that I want to be free of these struggles, but I also know that I will not fight that hard to be free, despite the fact that I want that freedom, if it is just for me. But, if I am fighting through this so that I can be there for my sister in what she may go through or to offer it up so that (God willing) she doesn’t have to go through this. I will fight harder for her!

I love my little sister with all my heart. She is such a joy to me and just brightens up my day. I’ll always remember going home for Christmas break and just sitting on the couch with my arm around my 2 ½ year old sister the night I got home. She looked up at me and she said, “I like having my_____ home.”

It went straight to my heart. She was so intentional about it and I know even at two and a half, that she meant it. She said the same thing the next day and then twice the following day to me.

Yes, I love my little sister, and she loves me! I can’t win for myself. But I will WIN for her!

Who are you going to WIN for?

 

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About the Author Mission TeamThe mission team is made up of writers within the HN team who serve for a time with our ministry to Awaken the World to the Power of God's Love. Through their efforts, their vision of making a world where no one suffers alone is an encouragement to many hurting people of all ages. 


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