I Feel Like I am Drowning HN Blog
Hard as Nails Ministries
I Feel Like I am Drowning

I Feel Like I am Drowning

By:  Amazing Nation Guest Writer March 9, 2021

When I was a kid, I loved to swim. I swam around the pool, lake, and creek no matter the temperature of the water in northwestern Pennsylvania. Then one summer, I went to the Emergency Room for an ear infection, and after that I stopped swimming. For over a decade, I didn't go in water higher than my head. Needless to say, I was out of practice. And swimming isn't as easy as riding a bike, you have to keep practicing in order to swim well.



This summer I went to the ocean and decided that I would spend more time in the water. I was tired of living in fear of having an ear infection, so I dove in. The contrast of cool salty water was refreshing against the hot Carolina sunshine. The waves were massive and so. much. fun. It was like I was a kid again.


 After all of the joy and excitement, my exhausted friends and I decided it was time to rest on the beach again. Almost instantly, the waves became unbearable. We swam and swam, but we weren't getting anywhere. I realized that I hadn't touched the bottom in a while, and I was really struggling. One friend made it to the sand, while the other was probably 40-50 feet away from me. Crash. Another wave. I looked at her and told her that I needed help immediately. Crash. Another wave.

I was desperate. I felt like I was drowning. I didn't know if I was going to die or not, but it was the first time in my life that I needed help in such an extreme way. I knew I wouldn't make it out of that water without help. Crash. Another wave. Riptide.

As my head came out of the water, I saw that there was a teenage boy near me, closer than my friend was. He calmly asked if I was okay. I told him I wasn't and I needed help. He gave me advice, and for a split second, everything was still. The waves around me were still crazy, but that boy brought calm in the midst of the fear. In what couldn't have been more than 10 seconds, I was calmed enough to take a deep breath. By that time my friend reached me and swam me to safety.

When we finally got to the sand, I didn't know how to process what had happened. The waves, the fear, the desperation. The boy. Who was he? After my friend got to me, we didn't see him again. He was going out deeper into the ocean while we were working our way to the sand. What just happened?

Feeling like I was drowning wasn't exactly a new experience. I never almost drowned in the ocean before, but I have experienced mental drowning so many times. When I look back at past journals while I was suffering with great mental health challenges, I see countless times the prayer, "Lord, I feel like I'm drowning. I can't come up for air. This is too much. Please help." Here I was, a few years later, surrounded by ocean waves from a pre-hurricane storm, and I was making that same prayer. 
And the Lord sent me calm in the midst of the storm. He sent me that boy.

A couple days later, my friend and I were driving together and we spoke about that moment in the ocean for the first time. We laughed about the memory of the waves and craziness. We talked about the feelings of desperation and adrenaline. Finally, we talked about that boy. Even as I write this, my eyes fill with tears remembering him. He was so calm, pure, and beautiful. He came at the perfect time for the both of us. It was like he was sent to us. It was like he was an angel. He came and I felt like I was no longer drowning.

Now, when I'm overwhelmed at work or feeling deep depression or anxiety, I remember that boy. There are days where I feel like I'm drowning, and I pray that same prayer. "Lord, please help." 

The thing about Our Lord is that He always sends help. It may not always be in the form of a stranger (who could have been an angel for all I know), but it can be in the form of other people or things in your life: coworkers, family, friends, a surprise gift, fresh flowers, a cup of coffee. He sends help by sending His presence. If you feel like you're drowning, just hold on. He's here. He's present, just remember to look for Him.

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About the Author Amazing Nation Guest WriterAmazing Nation Guest Writers have submitted their blogs to us in hopes of encouraging others who may have had similar life experiences. They want to share hope and wisdom with every person who read their blogs.  


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