"Why do I keep hurting people? Gosh, I'm such a mess up. Why can't I figure out what I want? Maybe they'll like me better if I act like that girl. I can't do anything right."
I had lost my joy. I was so hyper focused on proving myself and being something or someone that people would respect and appreciate that I lost who I was. I kept trying to please everyone, that I ended up actually pleasing no one. They could smell the lack of authenticity. I could see the distrust in their eyes. I didn't do anything unkind or mean, but they could see that I held back, so they held back.
Someone who has been, or still in this position, probably doesn't know how to fix this or overcome this. A few things that you might be experiencing that I want to speak to is this:
You are not a failure
- Don't put others' opinions (or what you think they're thinking of you) before God's opinion of you.
- Your insecurities are not reality
- Not everyone is going to like you, and THAT'S OKAY!
- Do not give into fear of being yourself, but instead do the thing you fear the most and let you control fear!
- Ask God for the grace to grow in the Virtues of Humility, Trust, Confidence, and Love.
- Humility isn't thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less. When you are present to who/what is around you, you won't busy yourself with the negative thoughts that are consuming your mind. When looking at yourself with humility, you look at yourself the way God sees you... so good. He knows your weaknesses, imperfections, gifts, the whole caboodle, and still loves you because you are His. He made you innately good, and NOTHING can change that.
- When you can trust that God defines who you are and not those around you or your thoughts, you will experience freedom. Freedom like you would never imagine.
-When you place your confidence in God and not in others, you will experience a peace like never before. The confidence you'll have will not be an arrogant or self-righteous confidence, but an inspiring and radiant confidence that is rooted in Christ. You will be stronger and steadier in the face of adversity, because you will know the truth of who you truly are.
- Because how can we love others when we can't love ourselves? How can we extend mercy to others when we don't show mercy to ourselves? God is more willing to extend mercy to us than we are to ourselves. Love is the virtue from which every virtue flows and touches everything around us!
“Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself... do not be disheartened by your imperfections, but always rise up with fresh courage.” -St. Frances de Sales
You are so loved and have so many gifts that God has given you to share with those around you! Even if you don't see your gifts, I guarantee you that others do. When you hold yourself back from being yourself, you limit yourself. Now, I've seen people hurt others and say cruel things, and use the excuse of "I'm just being real." or "This is just who I am". No. You are not your sins.
Many of those people say those things because they don't believe they are amazing and have settled for what the world has told them.
"Be who God made you to be and you will set the world on fire." -St. Catherine of Siena.
Now, it would give me great joy, if you would put on the beautiful smile God has given to you, tell yourself right now as you're reading this, "God, thank you for who I am. Thank you for my weaknesses and strengths, because you can bring glory out of all of it. I am so loved and so beautiful. Help to accept your love and extend that love and mercy to all those I encounter. With You all things are possible."
"Start being brave about everything. Drive out darkness and spread light. Don’t look at your weaknesses. Realize instead that in Christ crucified you can do everything." -St. Catherine of Siena
Photo Credits:
https://unsplash.com/photos/I8gQVrDcXzY
https://unsplash.com/photos/FcdtuGf7TEc
https://unsplash.com/photos/bbjmFMdWYfw
https://unsplash.com/photos/DAFh1p9huAE