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Why Community Is a Pain, But I am Still Grateful

Why Community Is a Pain, But I am Still Grateful

By:  Mission Team June 10, 2021
#AmazingNation, #Encouragement, #Hard as Nails, #Struggle, #Winning

I have lived in this community at Hard as Nails for about a year and a half now. And wow, has it been an adventure. I cannot believe that God had this in store for me. I have had a crazy fun time being here, don’t get me wrong, but I have found that the moments I am most grateful for have been the hardest ones to live through.

Before coming here, I had friends and a community I could pray with, however I also had much more going on in my life that I could run away to. I was involved in my friend’s life, but I had a tendency to keep them out of what was really going on with me. 

I was pretty good at keeping different parts of my life separate and keeping different people in those different parts. It was rare that my “worlds collided”.

It was mostly because I knew some of my friends didn’t like each other so I never made them hang out. Especially at college, my friends definitely led different lives than one another and it was not surprising that they really weren’t friends themselves. Therefore, it was all too easy to keep my life compartmentalized. It also tended to happen when I started hanging out with people and doing things I didn’t care for my parents to know about.

 Now I wasn’t burning down buildings or anything, at the time I called it “privacy”, but now looking back, I can see that I was shameful. I wanted to hide from my mom what I was doing, because at the heart of it all, I knew they weren’t the best choices I was making, and I didn’t want to disappoint them. I was keeping my life comfortable.


 After living in community, I realized that I cannot easily keep all these parts of my life separate anymore. I am with the same 7 girls and 7 boys all day long. Yes, I could keep a ton more inside of me, and I do tend to do that, but the energy it takes to hold back from the community is overwhelming. I have found that I cannot easily avoid sharing my whole life with these people.

It is definitely hard, and quite frustrating, for everyone around me to know just about everything about me. I like to be in control of my story and my life, it makes me uncomfortable when people know so much about me, because they can speak to things that I am going through. I honestly struggle with people “knowing too much” about me. On the other hand, it has been one of the best things that has happened to me. Yes, I can’t run away from them to sulk in my head, but then, I don’t have to run away from them.

I love my family, but there was never a time where I have been very excited or willing to come to them when I was struggling. Here, with my community of missionaries surrounding me, I don’t have to run to hide. They know just about everything, and they still stick by my side! They know some of the worst things I have done, and the worst things that have been done to me, yet they still laugh and hang out with me.

The crap in my life hasn’t turned them away. They haven’t given up on me, they still want to be a part of my life. I have never been more grateful for a group of randos in my life. Something we say here is “no judging, just loving”. To be completely honest, the first time I heard that, I judged the boy who said it so hard. I was thinking to myself that was something he just said to say, I never considered that he meant it.


After that day, during my first week at Hard as Nails, I was surprised to see every day new ways that they proved to me just how true that phrase is here. I have never been more annoyed and encouraged by one group of people in my life, and I couldn’t be more grateful for how uncomfortable my life has become. I know that because I am uncomfortable, I am growing.

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About the Author Mission TeamThe mission team is made up of writers within the HN team who serve for a time with our ministry to Awaken the World to the Power of God's Love. Through their efforts, their vision of making a world where no one suffers alone is an encouragement to many hurting people of all ages. 


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