I’m scared. But I’m too old to be scared. I can’t go to someone and tell them that I am scared; they’ll think that I’m a baby. Or maybe it’s more like, I am struggling really bad right now, but I don’t know who to go to-or there is no one I can go to. I really just need someone to tell me it’s going to be okay and to give me a hug. But there is no one. So, what can I do…?
Sometimes, I get scared after watching a movie, or just being in a dark place at night. I also tend to have a pretty good imagination, which can sometimes make me more nervous than not. I am a very reserved person normally. I struggle with communicating that I am struggling even when I desperately need help. I have also been in those situations where I needed someone, but there was no one there for me. So, I started to go to those who I knew were always with me, even though I couldn’t see them or feel them. I started to go to God the Father, Jesus Christ, Our Lady, and my Guardian Angel. I realized that these people are always there for me; I can always reach out to them. I have recently enjoyed imaging myself being held by each one and having a special bond with each one.
I love going to God the Father and just asking Him to be present to me as my Father. I ask Him to hold out His arms and let me run into His open embrace. I ask Him to pick me up, place me on His lap, and just wrap His arms around me. I ask Him to let me place my head on His chest and that He will kiss away my tears. That He will love me as a Father. That I can just be a little girl again and He can just be my Daddy. This has become my favorite way of looking at God the Father. And I know that no matter how old I get, He will always be my Daddy, and I will always be His little girl. I ask Jesus to hold me and to guide me. I ask Him to take my hand, and to dance that dance that He has planned specially for me. That when I can’t stand and walk this path on my own, that He will pick me up and carry me. I go to Our Lady, and I just ask her to be a mother to me. I ask her to wrap her mantle around me and just hold me and hug me. I ask that she guide me to the heart of her Son. I love wrapping my Rosary around my hand if I am struggling or nervous about something. It is a reminder for me to not rely on myself.
My Guardian Angel… I know that he is always with me. I know that he follows me everywhere I go. When I was younger, I used to imagine that he would place his hand on my shoulder, and then I would place my hand on top of his. I imagine my Guardian Angel wrapping his wings around me and just holding me there when I am struggling, keeping me safe. When the missionaries get into the car, they say a prayer for safe travels, normally to our Guardian Angels. I sometimes pray that our Guardian Angel’s will wrap their wings around the car and around those inside to keep us safe. I ask the same thing of Our Lady, that she will put her mantle around the car and around certain people. For me, it is a consolation and comfort to imagine myself in the arms of any of these beings. I know that they are always there for me. I smile when I picture myself in their arms. I know I am not alone. I know I am safe and protected.
I am HELD!!
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