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As Gold in the Furnace

As Gold in the Furnace

 
By:  Mission Team April 28, 2022
#AmazingNation, #Failure, #God, #Hope, #Humility

I’ve been somewhat of a hopeless romantic since the young age of 5, when I graduated from Dora the Explorer to Disney princess movies and then “Another Cinderella Story”. Unfortunately, I grew up in a very angry home environment. Instead of receiving love from my family, they (intentionally or unintentionally) sucked all the love out of me util I was bone dry. In my younger years, this manifested in huge temper tantrums about seemingly small things. But in middle school, I started looking for love in the wrong places to fill the gap. I turned to sins against purity. It wasn’t long before I realized that this wasn’t something I wanted to struggle with anymore but by then I was too far down that path to turn around by myself.

In my sophomore year of high school, I went to a Catholic youth retreat called “SEARCH for Christian Maturity”, and it was there that I realized that there were other people my age who were going through the exact same thing. Not only that, but they’d gotten out of it. It was then that I resolved to get better. I wish I could tell you that was all it took, but the next two years after that, quite frankly, were terrible. I spent those two years begging God to free me from these sins, but I did not get an answer. I felt abandoned and gross. I was ready to give up even attempting to get better when I went to that same Catholic retreat in April 2019. There, I went to confession and after I’m done listing off my sins, the priest looks at me and said, “[REDACTED], there’s something connecting all your sins together but it’s going to be hard for you to hear. Do you want to know?” In my head, I’m thinking this priest isn’t going to be able to tell me anything I haven’t heard before, so I said sure.

Then he looks at me and tells me that I have a cold heart and it feels like I’ve been hit in the chest. But he didn’t stop there. He told me that one day everyone I meet will know instantly that I love them. For some reason, that encounter changed my entire life. I started taking my faith seriously, started praying the rosary everyday (10/10 would recommend!), and God pulled me out of the depths of my mortal sin.

This was one of the worst struggles of my life because it was something I did to myself and in the end, I couldn’t pull myself out of it. God had to do it for me. Despite that, I can’t say that I’d change how it went. It was only through that trial that I came to fall in love with God. It was through the struggle that God brought me to Himself, like it says in Wis 3:6: “As gold in the furnace he proved them, as sacrificial offerings he took them to himself” .It taught me that I can do nothing without Him and alternatively, I can do all things through Him.

still struggle to trust God and to surrender completely to His will for my life because in my pride. I think I have a better plan than He does. I have a hard time believing that He’s working everything for my good. All I must do everyday is say,“yes”. With every “yes” I give Him, another small part of my self-will dies. And eventually, there will be no barriers betweenGod and me that need to be broken down. This makes it possible to fulfill what that priest told me at Confession, “that one day everyone I meet will know instantly that I love them”.

 

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About the Author Mission TeamThe mission team is made up of writers within the HN team who serve for a time with our ministry to Awaken the World to the Power of God's Love. Through their efforts, their vision of making a world where no one suffers alone is an encouragement to many hurting people of all ages. 


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